Catching Up

“I wish I could write, Dan. I want to write so badly. But I just haven’t got the words.” I’ve uttered these words on a few different occasions. Most recently, last night. Writing is often my outlet. But I haven’t had an outlet this year. This year has been tough. We’ve had other rough years, and we always make it through. But this year has been a special kind of tough. It started last May. I was having a pretty uncomfortable pregnancy, but unlike the first two, I hadn’t been put on bedrest. Not yet. But then I got sick. So sick that my baby and I almost died. But then, thank God for the…

The Edge of Wilderness

I remember last winter, sickness was rampant in our house. I was on the nebulizer a couple times. Eli, Gabe and I all had the flu at least once. I got tonsillitis 2-3 times within a few months. It was pretty rough. This year, however, by the grace of God, we haven’t been sick at all. We’ve watched how illness has run its ugly course through the homes of our family and friends. But somehow, we’ve managed to dodge the bullet. It’s been such a blessing, too, because we’ve been without health insurance. I’ve been convinced that if we’d had health insurance, we would have been just as sick as everyone else. Seeing as how the…

Awakened By Psalm 116

I love the Lord because he has heard my voice and my plea for mercy. Because he gave me an ear and listened to me, I will always turn to him as long as I live. Death encompassed me. I went through hell. I suffered depression and anxiety. Then I called on the name of the Lord… “Oh Lord! Please deliver me!” Our God is gracious. He is righteous and merciful. (My problems are minuscule compared to what they could be!) The Lord defends those with childlike faith. I was left vulnerable and weak, and he saved me. Return, my soul, to your rest. The Lord has been good to you. You have delivered me from despair;…

heartbreaks and hurts

Taken at nine weeks – alive with a strong heartbeat. Four whole weeks before we found out she had died. In two weeks, I will have reached my due date with a few extra pounds and no baby to show for it.  In the past two years, we have lost two uncles, two grandparents and our BabyGirl. In the past year, we have gone from active in our community and having a steady income to unemployed and withdrawn. I have started working after five years of being home with our children. We endured a winter without heat (other than our trusty little wood stove – thank you, God!). And our hearts have broken over many things. …

The Day Is Good

Words. They fall short of truly capturing the moments I’ve enjoyed and the moments through which I’ve labored. There’s no doubt that this phase of life is a challenging one. There’s also no doubt in my heart that it is a blessing; a gift straight from heaven meant for our little seemingly insignificant family. The time we’ve spent together as a family has been truly fulfilling to me. Dan’s role as husband and father has warmed my very core. Sure there have been challenges. As a man – a hunter – he has the burning need to provide for his family. He can hardly stay still without some sort of direction. And believe me, it’s…

Restitution

It never ceases to amaze me how merciful our God is. I hope it never does. For on the day that I fail to be amazed, I will need to confess my callousness. All He desires is our complete dependance on Him.  All to Jesus I surrender,All to Him I freely give;I will ever love and trust Him,In His presence daily live.     I surrender all,    I surrender all.    All to Thee, my blessed Savior,     I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender,Humbly at His feet I bow,Worldly pleasures all forsaken;Take me, Jesus, take me now. All to Jesus I surrender,Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;Let me feel Thy Holy Spirit,Truly know that Thou art mine. All to…

Dating Unbelievers

I received a group email sent out to a bunch of girls asking a pertinent question to today’s Christian teenager: Is it okay to date an unbeliever? I was the oldest in the group by a long shot. It made me feel both old and valued. The question was written out of some vexation at her parents for foiling her plans and making her invite him to their house instead of her going to his house for guitar lessons (the first step towards building a relationship with him). I wanted to wait to see what others were going to say before replying. After reading one response which allowed for compromise when it comes to dating…

Refreshed and Undeterred

As I sit here in our Dining Room at my computer desk (yes, it’s a strange place for my desk to be located, but really the most convenient), I’m hearing above me thuds and quaking followed by raucous laughter. I built a fort a little while ago for the boys. They needed some focused entertainment before bed. The fort is keeping them in their room while Dan works on the 3rd floor and I enjoy a little bit of solitude (however little fragment of it I can grasp). From the sounds of it, they turned the fort into a moon bounce. The hard-wood floor deters them not. That’s the great thing about kids. They aren’t…

Hearts of Clay

There are so many things I wish I could say. But perhaps it is better that I not. For “a fool has no delight in understanding, but only in expressing his heart.” (Pro 18.2) Ouch! I know God has a plan in all of this. I have known that we cannot depend on man alone, but rather in the works and promises of God. We are hurt. Yes. Our hearts break over many things. But we have promises that are eternal. I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant and their faces shall never be ashamed.  This poor man cried and…

Seek, Come, Knock

In my reading this morning, I realized that I’ve been looking at this all wrong. My asking, my begging, has been to my own end. I’ve desired to know His will so that we can do it. I haven’t been content with the answer that maybe we’re doing it. It’s His will that we are here. He may be preparing us for what He has next, but we need to prepare with patience and contentment as a loyal dog desires only to please his master. My desire was to MOVE. To DO. Not to please my Master. My desire was for myself. Not Him. “Seek and you will find.” “Everyone who thirsts come to the waters.” “Knock…